YOUR DESTINY SPEAKS LOUDER THAN YOUR COMFORT BY MARIANA BANDARRA
In times of destruction we need stories of creation. In times of creation we need stories of creation. But before I tell you the story, there is something I need you to know. For weeks now as I've worked on this piece, the smoke from criminal fires 2,000 miles away in the Amazon forest conceals the sun — it now looks like a dim,cosmic tangerine beyond the veil. This is not the time to dream of escape, but rather to put our foot down in reality and feel the earth. Hurry through the dark night in search of warmth and creative power. We need it now and we'll need it later.
Now here's a story of light in the darkness to light your path. The old desert people taught that before there were stars and planets, it all started with emptiness. Emptiness and then a quickening toward something — nothingness breathing out of itself something different, something... exciting. It starts out as distinction. Self and other meeting in the dark. A rumble, a grunt perhaps, an instant motion of recoiling: this is chaos. Fast, cramped and constricted.
Once it is born out of emptiness, chaos is around for ... a very, very long time. It can feel like a fire, the reactive urge to shove everything away, protest, refuse. Chaos
endures because trying to squash it only strengthens it — any refusal of chaos is, in itself, an expression of its innate refusal. Resisting resistance stiffens an entire dimension. Outside of time, in the darkest dark, chaos thickens: opposites clump together, nearly indistinguishable. The strands are now a single mass, buzzing with
friction in the dark.
At the point of contention, friction gives off heat. Chaos thrives the more we fight it. It feeds off our best intentions, drools over our earnest efforts. It is in its nature to consume whatever part of us gets caught in the crossfires of confusion and disconnection. Chaos fills up every little nook and cranny until no movement is possible. It becomes hotter and hotter. Before we know it, chaos feels inescapable, like it's the only thing that ever existed. But of course it is only a stage in the path of creation. If there is something instead of nothing it is because something happened after. After all, like emptiness, chaos can only create more of itself. It is the curse of chaos that it becomes indistinguishable from what it refuses. "Make it stop," chaos consciousness begs. And yet it does not stop until we stop. Chaos needs a counterpart: someone to fight.
Having consumed every last bit of energy, the chaos is now very still, a molten mass of friction and insatiable hunger. Suddenly, the center cannot hold and from the core of chaos, an explosion engulfs all of it. Finally, there's spaciousness, but light moves fast. So fast. From the core of darkness, a big bang. Sparks fly everywhere, an all encompassing glow expands around the debris of what was once struggling. Every single spark has a story now: rising and then falling and then...? Each spark retains the full brightness of the original explosion, they say. The ancients called the bright light from this explosion El, which translates as power, potency. Power has the ability to influence, to make change happen.
May this mystery be good medicine for times of collapse and renewal. May we remember it everytime we experience emptiness or chaos, that these are stages on our path to power. When times are darkest, the spark shines bright. Perhaps as a reminder that power, or El, is the ancestor of everything in creation. Perhaps as a reminder that, while we humans retain the memory of (and therefore the ability to re-live) emptiness and chaos, we are and will always be direct descendants of the source of power itself. It is our destiny to shine bright.
ABOUT MARIANA BANDARRA
MARIANA BANDARRA is an artist, strategist, and mystic with a revolutionary disposition. From circles to podcasts to devotional chanting, her work aims to inspire sustainable self-expression and awaken radical self-compassion. Drawing on a mix of ancient wisdom and contemporary findings, Mariana helps women and groups rediscover their wild brilliance, harness their personal power and find their authentic voice.
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